Before spring arrived this year, I left the 9-5 life behind.
After living the corporate life for over a decade, suddenly I felt a loss of identity. When I made this BIG decision, I based it on my gut and a balloon – amongst other reasons of course.
Deep down inside, I have never liked the office job since day 1. It never felt quite right. However, everyone around me seemed to have no problem so I suppressed the “not right” feel and kept it to myself.
On the occasions when I couldn’t keep it under control, I changed my job – which happened rather often. Mostly when I feel that learning has reached a plateau or when I had to do repetitive tasks which made no sense to me. Making the decision to quit a job each time was tough – but the signs were always similar and pretty clear. An obvious signal is when I needed to start dragging myself out of bed every morning. It starts with one day in a week, then two days and when I start to dread the week ahead on a Sunday morning – it was always time to go.
Family and friends around me were concerned about my decision and shared their thoughts with me. I took them all into consideration but my gut seemed to have gained a life of its own – from silent protests in the past to out-loud arguments.
The urge to let go of the familiarity and embrace the unknown was simply too strong to resist. I went with the flow and jumped into the deep end.
It was very strange after I officially left the “only-life” I knew since I graduated – waking up in the morning with the alarm, getting dressed, going to an office doing stuff I was obliged to do and adapting to people that I sometimes don’t like. There was a gap between the familiar routine versus the new entrepreneur lifestyle. I didn’t know how to introduce myself at times and I underwent an identity crisis as I transited from the passenger seat to the driver’s seat. It felt as if I had just received my driver’s license and I had to start driving regularly through real-life traffic.
I had new name-cards too – however, each time I handed one out, it felt like I was handing out someone else’s card. Fake it till you make it – as I often hear and now I can vouch for it.
As I sat in a roomful of other women entrepreneurs yesterday, it suddenly felt right – after eight months. At that moment, I was at the right place this time round – it was exactly where I wanted to be – truly and surely.
Though it took me over a decade to figure it out, nonetheless I am now ready to take on this new challenge to navigate through uncharted waters.
I am most certainly taking on the wheel, to navigate my direction in life to shape a life I want.
The level of energy does affect one’s enthusiasm. I haven’t been writing much here for a long time.
Not only was the muse out of my reach, there was nothing I felt I could verbalise with words.
Since the start of the year, work has consumed most of my energy and strength. Surviving with minimal nutrients, I seem to have lost some weight (yay?) Though I wasn’t sure having a weak constitution was the best driver for weight loss.
I felt weak most of the time and I always seem to have a cloudy brain. Was my body failing me?
I was saying the wrong things as thoughts running through my mind dashed out of my mouth before a jog around the brain.
How does that sound? Ready made meals and porridge were my main supplements and I was home usually after 9.
It took me a while to get workload back to reasonable levels after conversations with the manager.
An entire weekend of doing doing – eating/cooking – > watching videos(mind numbing) -> sleeping(and more sleeping) over two days. While everyone else (at work) was plagued by Monday blues, I felt normal. Energetic, calm and focused.
Indeed, the body and brain need their rest. Sufficient rest to function like a normal human being.
Keeping that in mind – I have been retiring early each night and gorging myself silly over the bank holiday weekend. Good nutritious food made by me – no leftovers for a few days. Setting up a good rhythm with minimum of seven hours of sleep and waking up at the right time, I felt normal. Those who have been following my previous entries are probably aware of my foot injury – coming to its two year anniversary – is finally feeling better. Weekly runs on the grass and one run to the library all suggest that my fish-tank days are coming to an end.
I am back.
Sitting on my sofa watching how Team GB won two out of the rowing heats I have been watching – Men’s lightweight four and Men’s pair. I have to admit the two races were sensational and I enjoyed every single moment. In my entire life, this was the first time I think I might have fallen in love with watching rowing, in particular the home team at the moment.
The interview featuring George Nash and Will Satch who revealed their ten years of hard work started today touched me. Imagine the journey they have taken, the doubts that must have surfaced, the perserverence to pull it off, the motivation and drive much needed to prepare just for that one moment. The only question I have is – is it worth it? And the answer I have from them spoke it all. Reflecting at their decade’s hard work for that one goal, how many of us have got impatient along the way just waiting for two days or even for an hour?
Team GB were not leading right from the start. There were strong competitors coming on strongly and how do they hold on to the mental strength to tell themselves – focus on the goal, stay confident, we have what it takes to win. Especially for the team of four, teamwork was key. There was definitely no point having one strong rower or if their strokes were not synchronised. The solution for overcoming water resistance and of course winning is to stay mentally calm and focused. However for a team to win, it needs more than one individual to hold the same strong thoughts of belief. Support and belief in the team, to work in rapport to drive towards the finishing line forms part of the ingredients to being an Olympic champion team. The spirit is strong and seeing the quadet’s powerful and dynamic strokes, together with the relaxed stance reached out to me. As Peter and Richard Chambers, Rob Williams and Chris Bartley powered past the Australian world champions after the halfway mark and continued to extend their lead, I could feel the seeds of love budding for the sport.
Gliding across the waters with wide and strong strokes, I felt the energy and motivation flowing through me at the same time. Rowing is a fantastic sport and on the second day of the Games, I have to admit – I am in love with this sport.