time ticking away,
I have known Mistake since I was a kid.
My parents spoke about Mistake,
when I didn’t get answers correct in a test,
when I didn’t enter the top faculty,
or when I misbehave.
Mistake grew up with me,
and there was originally one.
I was embarrassed when it followed me around.
I detest its presence.
As I grew older,
Mistake’s friends and relatives all wanted to become my friends.
Soon, there was a crowd behind me.
They popped often from behind me to wave to my family and friends.
I wanted to shake them off and pretended they didn’t exist.
Soon, they muliplied to the size of an army.
Ever so often, I felt awkward and ashamed.
I didn’t want anyone to know about them.
Yet, I was helpless.
why can’t they all disappear?
Why do they keeping loitering around?
One day, I asked a wise man for guidance.
Child, don’t you realize you have become stronger?
Their presence matters.
They made you who you are today.
The person before me stands tall and confident.
And you are a better person.
Because you’ve an army of warriors supporting you.
uncertainty in quiet company;
I count lesser footprints,
as gut feel insists on taking control.
The front view fogs up occasionally,
creating navigation difficulties.
Each five minutes feels like an hour,
I pause and turn back,
thinking to retrace my steps.
Only it hits:
the path back vanishes with each forward step I take.
And the only option,
is straight ahead.
I take deep breaths of determination,
I take pauses of strength,
I continue my journey ahead,
on this less trodden terrain.
Sitting on a sea of green,
I hear the sounds of planes above.
Looking up to see one after another,
filling up the sounds in the air.
The wind blows continuously,
while trees sway to the beats.
A harmonious sight spreads before me,
and I hear birds chirping around me.
All these creates a sense of calm and ease,
creating moments of surreality within,
striking a chord in contrast to yesterday’s terror.
You know you’re in a transition stage,
when things are changing everyday,
when nerves grabs you in the belly time to time,
when you never seem to be able to grasp what’s happening next,
when you know things will be fine in the end yet doubt keeps creeping in,
when the unexpected arrives even when you thought you had things under control,
when you start to wish there were more certainty to hang on to,
when you keep wanting to see some light from the end of the tunnel,
and most especially when the word “elusive” pops into your head more often than the word “clarity”.
Another 12 months flown by,
52 weeks accumulated wisdom,
coupled with 365 days of lessons.
as I am sitting in one.
Sometimes I feel I understand,
at times I don’t.
During those clueless moments,
the content is repeated unknowingly,
as if there’s someone out there,
wanting me to truly comprehend this knowledge.
I keep my head low,
or call for a time-out,
willing myself a breakthrough,
to gain the insight needed,
so the repetition stops.
On other occasions,
I feel the adrenaline rush,
especially impressed by myself,
my capability to pick up the skills.
My gut tells me,
these are your strengths,
work on those,
you’ll go far.
8760 hours of lectures and homework,
I know for sure,
this constant evolution,
Ready to receive,
poised to take-off,
for my next birthday.
The peak within eye’s reach,
I believe I was nearing it.
Each step I took,
the length of my stride escaped unnoticed.
Rather the summit appears no nearer than a minute before,
and the sense of frustration builds up bit by bit.
I see passerbys overtaking me with ease,
unlike the glistening perspiration running down my back,
as despair tries to sneak in.
I stopped and turned around,
looking down at the distance covered since this morning.
Acknowledging my first attempt,
the progress so far,
pride defeated despair,
forcing it out.
Taking a deep breath,
I swung forward with a new resolve:
Standing in the woods,
seeing the stretch of wilderness,
I hear the wind whispering secrets in my ear,
I feel the air,
rushing into my body as I take in one deep breath.
In the silence,
I hear my own breath,
I feel my muscles relax,
I stand there in the nature,
I feel the reconnection,
the calmness within,
surging and waiting to be released,
to form a circle around me.
A pillar of strength crystalising,
like the leaves settling around my feet;
I feel energized,
ready and prepared,
to take on,
2017’s set of cards.