The level of energy does affect one’s enthusiasm. I haven’t been writing much here for a long time.
Not only was the muse out of my reach, there was nothing I felt I could verbalise with words.
Since the start of the year, work has consumed most of my energy and strength. Surviving with minimal nutrients, I seem to have lost some weight (yay?) Though I wasn’t sure having a weak constitution was the best driver for weight loss.
I felt weak most of the time and I always seem to have a cloudy brain. Was my body failing me?
I was saying the wrong things as thoughts running through my mind dashed out of my mouth before a jog around the brain.
How does that sound? Ready made meals and porridge were my main supplements and I was home usually after 9.
It took me a while to get workload back to reasonable levels after conversations with the manager.
An entire weekend of doing doing – eating/cooking – > watching videos(mind numbing) -> sleeping(and more sleeping) over two days. While everyone else (at work) was plagued by Monday blues, I felt normal. Energetic, calm and focused.
Indeed, the body and brain need their rest. Sufficient rest to function like a normal human being.
Keeping that in mind – I have been retiring early each night and gorging myself silly over the bank holiday weekend. Good nutritious food made by me – no leftovers for a few days. Setting up a good rhythm with minimum of seven hours of sleep and waking up at the right time, I felt normal. Those who have been following my previous entries are probably aware of my foot injury – coming to its two year anniversary – is finally feeling better. Weekly runs on the grass and one run to the library all suggest that my fish-tank days are coming to an end.
I am back.
Riding emotions high;
when the balloon burst,
I see angel’s dust fall,
just like Alice in Wonderland.
Heart beating at a constant rhythm,
akin to still water,
Particles within my body,
catching on the beat,
stimulating an orchestra song,
abundance I feel,
It’s been a trying period. I looked back at my last entry and saw a gap of four months.
Wondering where time has flown and where most of 2014 went, it dawned on me that I might have accidentally let 2014 go by. Unconsciously, motivated by fear and lethargy, I couldn’t wait for more than half my day to disappear, couldnt wait for weekdays to slip quickly enough, couldnt wait for the months to fly by and wished fervently for 2015 December to be here.
Looking back, it felt rather like a big joke. Life was holding me in her hand rather than I was supposed to be leading her. I was under constant stress and overwhelmed by the events unfolding in front of me.
The only peace was at night, just before I slept. And of course my muse had long deserted me. There were brief but passing moments of serenity but they slipped through my fingers.
The second time I have felt this way was five years back and I moved countries, creating the biggest change in my entire life.
Now I seem to be facing a similar event once again and I want to regain my strength to face the fears and overcome the obstacles.
To try again. Again. And again.
Feeling of hurt,
though unseen, yet felt.
Embedded deep inside,
the urge to cut it out,
lingers in the mind.
please run your rounds,
quicken your pace,
for when you eventually stop;
I know the pain,
would be gone,
bit by bit,
salve instead left behind,
soothing and cool.
I used to think I am petite,
wishing I was taller than 1.6m.
My dream when I was a kid,
was to grow, grow, grow.
Sadly, it never happened,
after I hit my 16th year.
The mirror I peeked at recently,
saw me taller than I last checked.
Dawning on me;
each step I took,
the hard knocks I endured,
every journey I experienced,
the buckets of tears I shedded,
injected some unknown hormones,
silently and invisibly,
triggered a growth unseen.
No longer vertically challenged,
my wish fulfilled,
taller I have become.
When the game ends,
Created hype slowly fades,
leaving behind etched memories.
Joy and disappointment had intersected,
redrawing a new equilibrium.
Thus now-turned-out lights await,
till the next resounding applause arrives.
Seated at an international match,
for the underdogs.